Wolverhampton (England) - It was six months ago on Wednesday that One Direction singer Liam Payne (†31 ) tragically passed away . His sister, Ruth Gibbins (34), took this as an opportunity to address a few heartbreaking words to her little brother via Instagram.

"My head is still screaming for you," the 34-year-old wrote on a digicam shot of herself and the musician . "Every morning when I wake up, I feel like I'm underwater, gasping for air that never comes to save me."

Living without her sibling is impossible, "so for now I just exist."

Although she is slowly learning to "laugh or smile in the right places" again, it is terribly exhausting. After all, she just wants to talk to him.

"In the few moments when I allow myself to feel love and not just loss, I can really smile," Gibbins continues, "but the memories are always tinged with a certain sadness about how unfair it is that we can't make new ones."

She still can't come to terms with the fact that Payne is no longer there.

"I miss you loudly, quietly and in all the moments in between. I love you so much more than these words or my tears can express, but I know you know that."

A small consolation for the young mother: at least she can still meet Payne in her dreams.

The "Teardrops" singer fell from a hotel balcony in Argentina on October 16 last year. What exactly happened is still under investigation.

The artist had previously appeared aggressive in the lobby and is said to have been under the influence of drugs. Five people have already been charged in connection with his death , including two hotel employees who are said to have supplied him with drugs.